I want to put them together with their definitions, and possibly links to the posts they came from, but for now here’s a list of the words I’ve got:

• touch starved
• touch craving
• skin hunger
• cuddle buddy
• fitting together
• cradling
• hair-touching
• warmth-seeking
• entangling
• baring
• skimming
• silking
• skin-touching
• skinship
• ealy

Here are the words David Jay had on the blog entry that started it all:

• hugging
• spooning
• nuzzling

I’ll get to work on adding the definitions and things when next I have the time and energy, but before I do, are there any others you guys want included?

imaginationcarriesus:

Alright, I’ve been giving some thought to this stuff. There’s one particular nonsexual (though commonly perceived as sexual), intimate act that I love, but can never find the words to explain it as a nonsexual thing.

The touching of bare skin, particularly areas that non-intimate partners rarely (if ever) see/touch. In my case, this means especially the stomach and chest. As I mentioned, this is almost universally considered sexual, and so sometimes confuses people when I express that I enjoy it quite thoroughly. You don’t even have to be naked, though that’s a personal choice. This act, for me, is one of comfort and warmth.

I’m going to call it “baring” from now on, from “to bare”.

“So my romantic partner and I were baring the other night, and had this great conversation about Final Fantasy.”

“We bared yesterday for the first time! We’re so comfortable around one another.”

And so on.

[Note: I know I said the exact same thing on my personal blog, but that post was actually meant for Ace-Talk, so I’m putting it here, too.]

And this is why David Jay called on Tumblr for this: we look at the English language and say “whatever whatever I do what I want”.  It’s kind of awesome.

Getting back on topic, I rather like this one.  Keep it up, guys!

(via imaginationcarriesus-deactivate)

asexylove:

I’v been thinking a lot about touch.
 
When I was in undergrad I really craved touch, but had no way to get it. Touch was either something that was fleeting and affectionate, or something that led to sexuality. To desire nonsexual touch in a relationship was either creepy (if the relationship wasn’t sexual) or inadequete (if it was.) I saw my desire for touch as toxic, something that could poison my connections with the people that I cared about, and so I kept it far removed. It waited there, unfulfilled and unconnected from any one person, while my brain raced trying to figure out when initiating touch was ok.
 
Eventually I did figure that out. In my experience touch helps relationships when it expresses and reinforces emotion, it should occur after some activity (a conversation, a particularely powerul dance party) that generates emotion that needs to be expressed. But that’s not my piont.
 
A few months ago, I was hanging out with an Ace on a college campus who was exactly where I used to be. I asked him how it felt, and he said that he just couldn’t envision finding a relationship where he could have the kind of touch he wanted. He had that same look of humble sadness and fear that I used to have.
 
My point is that, as the Ace community, we should really get on this.
 
I started doing an exercise during my talks where I ask people to come up with as many words as they can for distinct forms of cuddling. I get about three: spooning, hugging, and nuzzling. I ask them to compare that to the number of words that they know for different types of sex.
 
Three words. There are a few more if you really dig for them, but not many. Without more words, how are we supposed to talk about the kind of touch we want? How are we supposed to know what kind of touch is POSSIBLE for us to want? How are we supposed to have meaningful discussions about consent? (Part of why I felt unsafe expressing a desire for touch was that I couldn’t ask people where their barriers were.) How are we supposed to name the kinds of relationships that involve the kind of touch that we want.

Sexual people have lovers, one night stands, fuckbuddies, partners, and books and books filled with positions and tactics that they can’t seem to get enough of. We have, in a few short years, done a fantastic job building an open-source taxonomy to describe the kinds of emotional intimacy that we form. We have biromantics, squishes, squashes, intimate communities, asexiness and ever-present cake. It’s time we spent a little more time talking about touch.

I’m looking at you, Tumblr.

How did I not see this before…?

*shrug* oh well.  Now we have two of these floating around.

You guys should really make sure you mention this came from the Asexual Underground, though.  I don’t see a source on here.

rhinocerosparty:

ace-talk:

David Jay Writes About Touch

rhinocerosparty:

ace-talk:

YO GUYS

GUYS

WE GOT A SHOUT OUT GUYS

GO LOOK AND SEE

On a more serious note, I am in complete agreement with this.  I’ve been finding myself more than a little touch-starved for the past couple of years at least.  I want to start finding ways to express that need so that I can get it fulfilled.

Why do you guys think it is that simple human contact seems so much harder to find than more sexual kinds of intimacy?  What can we do about it?  Are there any particular terms you like to use to indicate your needs and desires in this area?  Basically, I want to start coming up with that vocabulary David Jay was talking about (since, after all, he did specifically address us on this topic) and finding ways to deal with this problem.

Some of my favorite terms that have to do with this topic are below:

• touch-starved — a state of being where one craves human contact, not necessarily in a sexual way
• skin hunger — an unfulfilled need for loving physical contact*
• cuddle buddy — an individual, not necessarily a romantic partner, with whom you can share nonsexual physical contact as a part of your relationship

What are some of yours?  Reblog with your ideas or shoot me an ask; let’s get this party started!

*The original footnote has been deleted for erasure of people who don’t desire physical contact.

aww man

I may or may not have Things to say about this post in the future

(I do like the terms that ace-talk posted, though.)

Things? What kinds of Things? I like talking about Things. I also like to be corrected if I say/do/endorse something offensive, so I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Hello! No corrections here (though I would like to say that I appreciated the edited footnote and acknowledgement of error). I mainly meant Things in the sense of having something to say but just being mildly depressed by the intersections of experience between David’s college life, the anonymous campus Ace and myself.

The main (personal) term I use for my own experience of what you described as skin-hunger is “touch-craving,” mainly because through my own writing I associate cravings with things that I simultaneously fear, while hunger doesn’t carry those same implications. 

Personally, I’m uncomfortable with casual touch. I rarely hug my friends, and when I do, I almost never initiate it. I find hand-holding awkward, and kissing even more so.

However, I also use “entangling,” which to me is the whole sitting on the couch with your legs or head in someone’s lap thing. I’ve had maybe two friends in my life that I was comfortable doing this with.

Um, ok, I feel I should end this in some pithy/coherent way, but it’s time for me to go watch Twin Peaks.

Ahh, okay.  Yeah, I get what you mean; I’m in a similar place right now.  I definitely saw myself in those stories, which is part of why I wanted to start this discussion.

I’m sorry it made you think of sad things, but I’m glad to have brought up a topic that’s important to you.  Those are good words, by the way. <3

(via tinyvolcanicmoon)

cynicaljim:

obzenhouse replied to your post: So I’ve talked a lot about asexuality this past week, informing people and stuff in my building, and here are my responses to some…responses.

SO YOU REPRODUCE BY YOURSELF. I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW SOMEONE WOULD THINK OF THAT.

I’ve actually heard that the most out of anything, I’m usually like: “Yeah, you see that pimple right there? That’s not really a pimple, that’s me starting the budding process.  We just dispose of the clones that are a result of it.”

^This is fantastic.